Ain't Misbehavin', honest!
by twisted-coil
Summary: In response to the 'I could have danced all night' challenge... Clarisse and Joe, enjoying their new freedom, raise a little hell in Norway :o COMPLETE!
1. Invitations

"King Sebastian and Queen Annalisa kindly request your presence on the 21st January, at their Skaugum residence, to attend a Winter Ball, in celebration of their 25 years of marriage"

The invitation card was propped against Clarisse's teacup that morning, as Joseph brought in the breakfast tray. It was a Sunday, one week into the New Year, and he was sure that she'd still be dozing. Once again, though, his wife surprised him.

"What are you reading, darling?" She looked up, her glasses perched on the end of her nose, brows knitted, clearly puzzled by something.

"Tell me, husband dearest, why is it that men always strive to make total asses out of themselves?" He snorted, tickled by her uncharacteristic turn of phrase, and more than a little intrigued by what had prompted this strange outburst. Keeping a straight face, he replied,

"Well, my dear, usually we are either tricked into it by some woman, so besotted by a woman that we don't realise, or, as in my case, generally both."

"Hmmm…" was the only reply he got, as she returned to her book.

Shaking his head, he set the tray down on the bedside table, and proceeded to climb back in next to her. Not exactly sure he wanted to eat yet, he stretched back onto the pillow, and, crossing his feet, ran his hand casually down her back. He decided to try again.

"So…are you going to tell me what you're reading? Which man has irritated you this time?" He continued to stroke her back, smiling to himself remembering the first time he'd convinced her to put on one of his oversized pyjama shirts, and how, from that day on she'd refused to take it off…well, unless given an incentive, that is.

"Mr Darcy." He groaned, remembering Mia's drooling over the man. She continued, "Honestly, he's such a cad. I really can't see the attraction one bit."

He couldn't help laugh at that one. No, Clarisse really wasn't one to suffer men with egos.

With that, she slipped off her glasses and put the book to one side. Sliding down to lie next to him, she too stretched her back out. She came to rest against his chest, and he wrapped an arm around her to pull her close. As he kissed the top of her head, she opened her eyes and looked across his body to the table, a smile spreading across her lips.

"You made breakfast again?"

"Hmmm…"

"Liar", she whispered, crawling up his body a little, until her face was level with his. He shifted a little, to kiss her, but she merely raised an eyebrow and dodged his lips. "OK, ok" he groaned, "maybe I didn't exactly make it…but I did go and get it from the kitchens."

She smiled, and brought her lips down to his, loving the shiver she felt down her spine. He slipped his other arm around her and pulled her to rest on top of him, as they deepened the kiss. Clarisse's eyes closed shut, as she lost herself in the feeling. Joe on the other hand couldn't take his eyes from her. He had spent so long having to kiss her with his eyes shut, in a fairytale dream where she had been his, that the reality of the situation still needed to impress itself on his brain. It was a beautiful clear morning, the sun streaming through the window reflected the gold in her hair, Joseph noticed. He smiled a little, and she pulled back a little, feeling his lips curling.

"What?", she asked playfully.

"Oh nothing…just you." He lightly stroked her lips with his own, as if to emphasise the point.

He pulled her close again, kissing her collarbone, one by one undoing the buttons, and then gently easing the shirt down her shoulders. She closed her eyes, as he lowered her back onto the pillow. The castle was silent, all she could hear was their own desire, and both relished in the knowledge that, for once, there would be no intrusion.

Later, the tea long gone cold, she noticed the invitation. She picked it up and read the inscription. Joseph was taking a shower, and she could hear him singing above the spray. She chuckled to herself. It would be their first 'official' trip abroad together. 'I wonder…?' she mused, her mind beginning to whirr with possibilities…


	2. Arriving in style

As the plane taxied in to the private airstrip, just outside Oslo, Clarisse decided it was time that sleeping beauty woke up. Giving him a little nudge with her elbow, she turned to look at him. "Joseph…darling, we're here…". The only response she got was a sleepy groan. It was hardly surprising he was tired, given her insistence on flying out so very early in the morning, but she hoped all would be forgiven when he realised her motives. Still showing no signs of waking up, she tilted her head up a little, and touched his lips with her own. She eased back, scrutinising him…nothing. She smiled, and proceeded to kiss him properly, flicking her tongue across his lower lip. That got him. Another groan, not exactly of the convincingly 'sleepy' kind. An arm snaked round her, as he pulled her closer. As they broke apart to draw breath, she raised an eyebrow in mock-indignation.

"You were awake all the time, weren't you?" He smiled, stroking her cheek.

"No, my dear, I was having the most wonderful dream about this crazy woman who kept dragging me into bushes for passionate kisses…no matter how much I beat her off, she still had her wicked way with me…"

"Liar. And anyway," she added with an innocent smile, "that only happened once, and you know it." With that she tapped him on the nose with the tip of her finger and straightened herself out, ready to leave the plane.

Joe smiled, and stretched out himself, glancing round the plane quickly, automatically planning the travel arrangements for the next stage, momentarily forgetting that such duties no longer fell to him. They had only brought three security personnel with them – with Clarisse no longer reigning monarch, she was really not much of a target. Genovia had no contentious foreign policies, generally preferring neutrality in disputes, and the only potential risk Clarisse and himself ever faced was during public appearances in the country itself. Martin and Simon would travel in the second car, with the luggage, and Alex would drive Clarisse and himself in their own car. Excellent.

Stepping off the plane, though, he was confused. There was only one car. Surely someone must have messed up pretty badly for such an oversight to occur. Security threats or not, it was plain irresponsible to travel in a single vehicle, not to mention uncomfortable. He turned to Clarisse, opening his mouth to voice his objection, when he felt the slight pressure of her hand on his wrist. He looked at her, puzzled by the stern expression in her eyes.

"Not a word, do you hear?"

He nodded, more out of confusion than agreement. The three guards deposited the luggage into the rear of the car, and then proceeded to get in. He stepped forward, but again she stilled him,

"Just wait a moment."

Then they closed the doors. The pilot wandered down the steps of the aircraft, and, doffing his cap to Clarisse, smiled. As he wandered off towards the hanger, Joe didn't hear the "…lucky bugger…" which was uttered under his breath.

Totally bewildered now, Joe stepped to face Clarisse and tried again. This time, she smiled, and taking his hand in hers, turned him round to look out over the other side of the airstrip.

"Oh my God…", his voice was hushed, not quite believing his eyes. He had heard about them, of course, but they were not even meant to be on general release yet… He turned back to look at her, bringing her hand up to his lips, still lost for words.

She smiled again, winking as she pulled him across to take a closer look. "So…you like?"

"Me like….it's…it's…" Still he couldn't find the right words to…

"It's a Ferrari 612, 5.5 Scaglietti coupe….in black. I chose it all by myself." She reeled off proudly, impressed with herself for remembering all the numbers.

He spun and grabbed her about the waist, swinging her round a little as he did, not caring that the guards in the other car might be watching, and kissed her soundly. Having loosened it a little, he finally found his tongue,

"I was going to say 'it's perfect', but I suppose your description was more accurate." She smiled again, thrilled by his reaction. Never had she seen Joseph so relaxed and excited.

"Now, darling, I know that you did say that one of the benefits of being married to me was that you'd never have to drive me around again, but I was wondering if you might like to reconsider?"

She stepped towards the passenger door, and dropping one final kiss on her forehead, he opened it with a flourish. "Your Majesty…"

They had been travelling at a comfortable pace down the freeway for about two hours, when the cell phone in Clarisse's bag rang. Joe glanced across at her as she answered, first wondering a little since when exactly his wife had owned a cell phone and then, more interestingly, just who it was she was speaking to. He could glean little from the conversation…

"Hmm…yes, thank you. On the right? I see…yes, that will be perfect. About four, I would imagine…of course, it'll be on."

She hung up, and slipped the phone into her bag. He cast her another suspicious glance,

"So, are you going to tell me what you're up to now?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he could see her grinning again.

"You might want to take the third right after this one, my dear." Her voice was calm, matter-of-fact, and most definitely giving nothing away.

"And why might I want to do that, pray do tell?" He decided to play along, given the last surprise, he was all hers today…

Clarisse, in the meantime, was enjoying herself immensely. Everything was going to plan, security had just confirmed the route, and Joseph was still none the wiser. She smirked as he tried again, attempting to sound stern,

"So tell me, my darling, why am I always the last to know these things?"

She shifted across a little, lifting her hand to cup his cheek, and replied in the most sugary voice she could muster,

"Because otherwise, _my darling_, I wouldn't be able to surprise you nearly so well…" She ran a thumb over his lips, seductively, causing his breath to catch a little. He didn't question her again after that, simply trying to keep his mind on the road was enough. Another ten minutes of emotionally charged silence, and he turned off to the right.

After a few minutes, Joe realised that the road onto which he'd turned lacked any of the usual signs and markings. He slowed a little, and, deciding to take control of the situation once and for all, pulled over. He switched off the engine and sat back quietly in his seat. He paused for a moment, and then turned across to look at her.

Her face was a picture of innocence. "Um…is there some kind of problem, Joseph?"

She couldn't believe just how much this gentle teasing had got under his skin, how stern he was being, and it amused her no end. Of course, she knew that Joseph was used to planning everything, knowing everything, indeed, _having_ everything his own way, but this was just too funny. This particular game would have to happen more often…

In the meantime, unclipping her seatbelt, she decided to put him out of his misery. Sitting up a little, she ran her hand casually back and forth across the dashboard, stroking it seductively. She stifled a giggle, as she noticed him swallow involuntarily. Moving across a little, she slid her hand down to his knee, his eyes following her movements,

"You know, my love," she paused, idly caressing his leg, "the nice gentleman who advised me on my choice happened to mention that this little thing can do 0-60 in around 4.2 seconds…and…well…I was wondering if you might like to give it a try?"

His eyes flicked up from the delicate dance her hand was performing on his leg to her sparkling eyes. "Really…? Clarisse, where are we?", he looked around outside again, as if to emphasise the point.

"The _very_ extensive grounds of the palace…which have been cleared of all maintenance vehicles, I should add…they are entirely at your disposal, my darling. What can I say, Annalisa owed me a little favour…"

He smiled, clasping her hand in his, caressing her fingers. "So this is why you woke me at such an ungodly hour?"

She closed her eyes and nodded, "Wouldn't have been much fun in the dark, now would it?"

He leant over to kiss her, breaking away only to whisper "Thank you" against her lips. Kissing his nose, she chuckled a little, and raising an eyebrow she pulled back a little. She reached back to refasten her seatbelt,

"Hmm…you can thank me properly later, my love, but first, let's see what you can do with this baby."

Joe needed no further encouragement than that, and slipped the key back into the ignition, and revved the engine loudly. Clarisse laughed, settling back into her seat, faking a yawn… and then he floored it, causing her to shriek with excitement as they shot down the deserted road.


	3. Hide and Seek

As the car sped round yet another turn, Clarisse relaxed back into her seat, watching him caressing the steering wheel, coaxing the car expertly. It was funny, she thought, never had she done anything more dangerous in her life, and yet she felt so completely and entirely secure. She looked up at his face, and smiled a little at his concentration. His eyes were fixed on the road, judging the curves carefully, gunning it down the straights.

In spite of his concentration, though, Joe could feel her eyes wandering over him. Hmmm…she clearly wasn't paying enough attention. His lips curled as he noticed the large expanse of open stretch before him, still a little icy no doubt, given the snowy landscape. Easing one hand onto the hand break, timing it to perfection, he jammed it on, and drove into the spin. She squealed a little, and he felt her hand come down on top of his, gripping him in panic. As the car slowed down and they came to a halt, she released the breath she didn't realise she'd been holding. Regaining her composure a little, she looked up at him, a broad smile on his face, feeling him twist his hand round and entangle his fingers in hers.

"Well… that was unexpected…" was pretty much all she could manage.

He laughed and leant over smugly kissing her on the nose,

"Just repaying the favour, my love."

She couldn't help but giggle at that one, and he took the opportunity to kiss her properly, stroking his free hand through her hair. When their lips parted, he held her close to his face, looking intently into her eyes.

"You know, my love…this is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me", he was whispering now, emotion clouding his voice, "Thank you"

She smiled, kissing him again lightly on the lips, "My pleasure"

He raised an eyebrow, pulling back to scrutinise her face again, brushing a stray wisp of hair from her eyes, and smiled knowingly, "It will be."

She laughed at that, and sat back a little, smoothing out her jacket, checking her watch.

"It's going to get dark soon, and I promised Martin we'd be at the palace by four, my dear…as much as I don't want to, I think we should perhaps be making a move."

"Of course…to be honest, I'd rather forgotten about everything else."

She smiled to herself, and he looked at her quizzically.

"That, my darling, was exactly the plan."

A few minutes later they arrived at the main entrance to the palace. As they left the car, Clarisse couldn't help but snigger at Joe's reluctance to hand over the keys of his new baby to the valet. 'Boys with their toys…' she muttered to herself, shaking her head a little.

At the door, they were greeted by the Queen herself, who, Joe was rapidly beginning to understand, was an old friend of Clarisse. He was introduced, and polite remarks were uttered. He noticed the knowing conspiratorial glances the two ladies exchanged, and he was rather self-conscious of the fact that Queen Annalisa was quite obviously sizing him up.

"Clarisse, darling…I trust you had a pleasant journey?…good good….now since Joseph and yourself will be staying tonight and tomorrow, after the ball, I've arranged for you to take the Regent suite…you know, the one overlooking the gardens, how does that sound?"

Clarisse smiled, "Of course, as always, Annalisa, you are too organised…that will be perfect."

They began to walk down the long corridor towards the main stairwell. More out of habit than design, Joe walked behind the two royals. After a couple of steps, however, Clarisse, realising his unease, deliberately paused for a moment and, catching his hand in hers, before he'd even really registered, drew him to walk alongside her. It was flawless in its execution, and, as he felt her stroking his fingers reassuringly, he couldn't help but relax.

At the foot of the stairs, Annalisa made her excuses, and after arranging to see them for dinner at eight, she departed. As they made their way up the long staircase, Clarisse twisted his hand up to her lips and kissed it gently.

"What's that for?" he whispered, aware of how his voice would echo halfway round the palace at normal volume.

"Never doubt yourself, my darling, you are nobler than all of them put together", she whispered back, giving him a cheeky wink as he looked endearingly embarrassed.

Eventually, they arrived at their suite, and Clarisse headed straight for the bathroom to freshen up. Joe took the opportunity to have a nosy around the rooms. After a little wander, he returned to the bathroom door and tapped gently.

"It's open…I'm just washing my face…"

He swung the door open, with a cheeky grin and a muttered "more's the pity"

After pretending, unconvincingly, to look shocked, she carried on removing her eye makeup.

"We have two rooms."

She looked up, confused by his point.

"Well, darling, I think we have more than two…"

"No… bedrooms, I mean….do you think Annalisa is trying to tell us something?"

She sniggered, amused by how little he knew of her friend and, more to the point, just how shocked he'd probably be if he did.

"Well, darling, I'm afraid it's pretty standard…we are, after all, a married, royal couple. It is simply not expected that…", she trailed off.

He realised the implications, and decided not to press it any further.

She continued though, not wanting to put a dampener on an otherwise perfect day so far,

"So which one do you prefer, or shall we alternate…that would certainly confuse the maids…"

He smiled, wandering over to the sink and wrapping his arms around her waist, nuzzling her neck. "Well, as much as I love pink chintz, I think my eyes might appreciate the less visually-assaulting blues and whites of the other room."

Their eyes met in the mirror and they exchanged a smile. Turning round in his arms she kissed him chastely on the cheek,

"Well then, blue it is…wouldn't want you to run the risk of suffering from chintz-induced headaches now, would we?"

He chucked too, pulling her closer and kissing her forehead, until she placed her hands on his chest, gently pushing him away,

"Now, go and amuse yourself for half an hour, I want to shower…"

Lying on the bed, remote in one hand, brandy in the other, while he waited for Clarisse to finish whatever she was getting up to in there, Joe felt like a king. This had been the most perfect day ever, not just because of the car, indeed, the car was just a bonus really, but because of the fun they'd had. For the first time, they were away from scrutiny, and just able to enjoy being together. She'd obviously been planning this all week…now he understood why she'd locked him of her office 'by mistake' on Friday, and disappeared for a morning on Monday…she must have been choosing it.

Taking a sip of brandy, he decided the ball was now in his court, and that it was time for a secret plan of his own…

Meanwhile, Clarisse had finished her shower, and was drying her hair. By the time she had finished dressing and applying her makeup, she realised, rather guiltily that she'd been in there for nearly an hour. Opening the door quietly, she expected to see Joseph sprawled out on the bed, catching up on some sleep, but he was nowhere to be seen.

She called out his name, but there was no response. She glanced up at the door and noticed it was ajar. Strange. Moving closer to the bed, amongst the 'remains' of Joseph, the brandy glass, the chocolate bar wrapper, she noticed a scrap of paper, obviously torn out of his notebook. Picking it up and reading his familiar, neat script, she smiled:

"Count to one hundred…and then, well my love, if you want an aperatif before dinner, you're just going to have to find me…"


	4. The Man in Black

Watching her smile as she read his little message, the figure, not so very elegantly hunched up in the closet, held his breath. She looked up and surveyed the room again, shaking her head in amusement. Folding the slip of paper in two, she laid it down on the bedside table where Joe had set out her book and reading glasses. The closet door was slightly ajar, and, by craning his neck at a rather uncomfortable angle, he could see her tidying up his mess, grinning to herself, probably wondering what to do about his little game.

Dropping the chocolate wrapper in the wastepaper bin by the door, she cast one more suspicious gaze around the room and, clicking the light off, left in search of her husband.

He waited nearly another five minutes, to make sure she was really gone, before he crept cautiously from his hiding place. Sniggering at her obvious unease at leaving, he was reminded of the uncanny way he always had of knowing when she entered a room…maybe she was picking up on the skill too? "Not quite good enough yet though, my love…" he chuckled to himself. The room was almost pitch black, and, as he stepped over to the window, clouds filled the skies outside, making it unlikely that the stars would come out tonight. He smiled. Perfect. Clicking on the dim bedside lamp, he pulled the covers back from the bed, and plumped up the pillows. Then he clicked it off again. In the darkness he headed towards the bathroom. The mirror was steamed up, and the room still smelt of Clarisse's perfume. Oh that perfume… He remembered, with a rueful shake of the head, the first time that Rupert had bought it for her. How he had been acting as bodyguard to the King that day, and how he had dissuaded the monarch from choosing the much stronger, musky scent and suggested this one. He smiled again…it was over now, she was his. And he still adored this perfume.

As he slipped out of his clothes to take a shower, he carefully placed his cell phone by the sink, noting the time, 17:04… He would give her twenty minutes, and then, then the game would begin.

Meanwhile, Clarisse was both thoroughly enjoying herself, and getting increasingly frustrated. She had been walking for about ten minutes, and it was beginning to dawn on her just how impossible it would be to find him, if it was really his intention to hide from her. But was it? She smirked, in spite of herself, trying not to meet the confused glance of the guard outside the dining hall. No, he wanted to be found all right, she was sure of that. But where to look? It would have to be somewhere reasonably obvious, something logical, something that led to him…"The Ballroom", she said out loud, instantly wishing she hadn't.

"To the left, your Highness", the startled guard replied, almost automatically.

"Um…oh, thank you, most kind", she smiled, trying desperately to look serious.

But he wasn't there. Not even behind the heavy draped curtains. She continued in her search. But he wasn't in the music room, or the library. Not even in Sebastian's games room which, once she had remembered where it was, had seemed such an obvious choice. She had searched the room carefully, checking behind the drawn curtains, even in the heavy oak cabinets that lined the walls… But she was sure that he wouldn't be hiding _in_ something, that would just make it impossible – no, he must be just waiting in a room somewhere, somewhere she hadn't thought of yet. She looked at her watch, 17:27. This was getting silly. As much as she was enjoying the hunt, she wanted her prize and, at this rate, it didn't look like she would even find him before the gong sounded for dinner!

A slight vibration in her jacket pocket startled her. And then she remembered the cell phone that Martin had asked her to keep on her. She still wasn't entirely convinced of the merits of these things, but she had to admit, in a foreign environment such as this, it did make sense for her security to be able to contact her easily. But the buzzing had stopped almost as soon as it had started. She slipped the handset out of her pocket and flipped it open. A message. That was strange… She opened it.

"Hmm…you're not very good at this are you, my darling. Not even warm."

She snorted and flipped it shut. Irritating man. Why did he always know exactly what would get under her skin…? She smiled, in spite of herself, twisting the metaphor in her mind. Yes, he most definitely knew how to get under her skin. 'And, after today's little set-up', she mused, stepping out of the games room, 'maybe I deserve it?'

Joe, in the meantime, was comfortably installed in an easy chair in the suite, cell phone on his knee. She hadn't replied to his message, but that wasn't a surprise. He wondered how far she'd got… It had been so simple, calling Martin, noting down the number, staying exactly in the place she'd think of last. Hopefully, she wouldn't be too cross with him once she figured it out. But then again, she was irresistible when angry. He sat back, deciding to give her another five minutes.

In the hallway outside the dining room, Clarisse met a bemused Annalisa.

"Didn't think I'd be seeing you until dinner…at the earliest!" She smirked, looping her arm through Clarisse's. "So, did the young lovers have a tiff?"

"No…nothing of the sort!" Clarisse stopped and, looking around to check there were no obvious eavesdroppers, lowered her voice,

"Actually, 'Lisa, it's quite the reverse" she giggled, amused by the puzzled look on the woman's face.

"And? Don't tell me you've worn him out already?!" Clarisse blushed, and, as always, for a moment pretended to be shocked by her friend's insinuations. A raised eyebrow from Annalisa though, and she crumbled with a smirk…

"Hardly…"

"So?"

"Well, strange as it sounds, 'Lisa dear, I've rather misplaced my husband and now I can't find him anywhere…"

Annalisa laughed, and soon Clarisse couldn't help but join in, the sound echoing down the corridor… "Well, darling, did you try the bedroom?"

Clarisse stopped laughing. And it all fell into place. Of course. That damn man…he'd probably been there all the time. She muttered something to Annalisa about feminine intuition and strode off down the corridor in the direction of her suite.

Queen Annalisa smiled to herself as her friend went off to find that rather dishy husband of hers. She was so pleased for her, amazed by the change in her demeanour from the last time they had met, just a year ago. She looked so radiant. She was the girl she'd known in her youth.

As she was walking long the final corridor, the phone buzzed again. Flipping it open quickly, she read the message,

"Getting warmer?"

'You have no idea…' she muttered crossly under her breath.

Reaching the suite, she flung open the door, hoping to catch him off-guard. But, to her surprise the room was in darkness, and totally silent. Stepping in quietly, she closed the door behind her. Sliding her hand across the wall, she reached for where the light switch should be…only to find a hand already covering it. She started, instinctively pulling her hand away in surprise, only to have it grasped firmly at the wrist. For a split-second she felt fear course through her, but then the hand unwrapped itself, and began a slow, delicate caress up towards her face.

Even though her eyes had now got used to the darkness, she couldn't see him. He moved in front of her and, only with the faintest whisper of his hand on her cheek, kissed her mouth. She gasped, again startled by the unexpected caress, and then opened her mouth and returned his kiss. Slipping an arm around his neck, she pulled herself closer, to rest against his body, while their mouths continued their sophisticated dance.

As he pulled away slightly, she placed her hands on either side of his face and stroked her fingers down his beard.

"Joseph?" It was only a whisper…

"Now you ask?" He smiled, and she felt his lips curl.

"Well…you never know" was her cheeky reply.

"Disappointed?" He ran a hand through her hair, bringing it to rest at the nape of her neck.

"Never."

He kissed her again then, slower this time, running his hands down over her shoulders, easing her jacket off, letting it slip to the floor. Her hands found the buttons of his shirt, and began to work their way down. As he kissed her forehead and swooped down to her jaw line, she felt the soft hiss of her silk scarf joining the jacket. Running her fingers up his chest, pressing a kiss at his now exposed neck, she heard him moan softly. A gentle tug, and his shirt was discarded. Little by little, kiss by kiss they undressed each other in the pitch-black room. Trailing kisses along her collarbone, he felt her shiver. Reaching round her shoulders with one arm, he smoothly lifted her up, carrying her towards the bed.

After, as they lay in each other's arms, the room still shrouded in darkness, Joe asked her what she was thinking about.

She smiled against his chest, dropping a light kiss to it before responding,

"Hmm…well, I was thinking 'not bad for an amateur'…" She giggled, as he squeezed her tighter, flipping her over to lie beneath him, pinning her down.

"An _amateur_…well, darling, what can I say? You had rather more time to perfect your devious plan…I was working with somewhat limited resources…" He dropped a kiss to her nose and lay back down, pulling her over to rest on him. He felt a hand caressing his stomach…

"Limited resources?…oh, I wouldn't be so hard on yourself, my darling." She chuckled softly, her finger tracing little circles.

"Clarisse, we _are_ still talking about my little rouse, aren't we?"


	5. Dinner?

They never did make it to dinner that evening. At about seven thirty, running a hand lazily down her arm, clasping her fingers in his, Joe had muttered something about food, but she had easily persuaded him to stay put. After all, as she told him smugly, chin resting on his chest, amateurs can only become professionals with lots of practice.

In any case, Annalisa wasn't exactly surprised to find her table two diners short. She smiled to herself, raising a knowing eyebrow at her husband and nodding in the direction of the empty seats. She met his gaze victoriously, and King Sebastian could only shake his head in defeat. Bloody woman…always right. Looks like he'd have to pay up.

At around midnight, Joe was unceremoniously kicked out of bed with instructions to go in search of food. He growled in mock anger as he knotted the silk robe around his waist and padded off towards the main door of the suite. Clarisse merely chuckled to herself…'My husband, the caveman…'

She switched on the bedside lamp and shifted up to sit against the pillows, casting a glance over at the clock. Oh dear. But, then again, never mind…what did she really have to do tomorrow anyway? Hmm…now there was a wonderful thought. Nothing. She closed her eyes for a minute, relishing the silence, when the door swung open again to reveal Joseph, carrying a large tray with what looked like a veritable feast balanced precariously on the top.

"Um, darling?"

"Yes?" His face was a picture of innocence.

"Well, since you've only been gone about two minutes, surely you're not going to try and pretend again that you made it yourself, are you?

"No, my dear…I learnt my lesson the first time." He set the tray down, and kissed her square on the lips. She smiled, pushing him back playfully.

"Well?" She raised an eyebrow, fixing him with a stern look.

"It was outside the door." He held up the tray again, so she could select something, and she suddenly started, holding up one of the cups and looking at it closely, and then doing the same with another.

Raising a hand to her mouth, her expression changed. For a moment he wondered what might be coming next, the look of horror in her eyes unmistakable. Then she started to laugh, softly at first, nothing more than a chuckle, but, as she got more and more carried away, the whole room was filled with her rich voice. He set the tray down, and moved to sit on the end of the bed, watching with bemusement as she tried to recompose herself. Her breathing still uneven, she brought a hand up to brush away the tears of mirth.

"It's really not _that_ funny…more considerate actually…and it doesn't really matter if the cups don't match." He rubbed her back a little, soothingly, "I thought you'd have been more embarrassed than…well…this"

She smiled, reasonably composed now, leaning into his embrace.

"No…you don't understand…its Annalisa…" and with that, she burst out again, shaking against his chest in, well, a not-altogether-unpleasant fashion. Eventually he got it out of her. As girls, this terrible twosome had shared many a practical joke, one of which being the strategic 'collecting' of pieces of china and cutlery.

Joe shook his head, remembering his own childhood collection of toy cars. Trust Clarisse to steal crockery…

"You don't understand, darling, we had, well, limited opportunity to misbehave…we might not have been royals, but both Lisa and I were groomed from an early age for the job. This was our little rebellion…it was great fun. I've got quite a collection, you know."

She grinned proudly, and he raised an eyebrow.

"I'd guess that half the royal families in Europe are missing a plate, or a coffee cup…"

"My God, my wife the cutlery thief…"

She grinned again, tapping him on the nose, 'And not just cutlery…I've three very fine whisky glasses from the Russian embassy in France.'

He pulled her close, casually wrapping an arm around her shoulders, nuzzling her ear, and dropping light kisses along her jaw line. "…whisky glasses, my darling…but you were only, what, ten?"

"Hmmm…" she caught his face between her hands, and leant in to kiss him properly, "Those were from last summer…"

A/N Sorry that this is so short – will be updating again soon, and the next chapter will be much longer…and will contain dancing, and Clarisse demonstrating her light-fingered skills during dinner. Not to mention the line 'I said the white' ;o)


	6. Winter Wonderland

A/N Hello! In response to all the lovely reviews, I've decided to submit what I thought was going to be one chapter in two parts – one today and then one probably on Wednesday. This is more cute than funny…but hey, I promise the next one will be more adventurous. I mean, Clarisse and a bottle of red wine…surely something funny's got to happen!

In spite of their lack of proper sleep, the next morning both Joe and Clarisse were filled with energy. Indeed, Clarisse couldn't help but wonder if Lisa had deliberately left them so much protein…honestly, she wouldn't, would she? She smiled to herself, knowing full well that it was exactly like Queen Annalisa to think of such practicalities.

"What do you want to do today?" His deep voice roused her from her pondering. He was already dressed and, sitting patiently on the couch in the sitting room of the suite, was waiting for her finish her morning routine.

She smiled, picturing him growing restless and desperately trying to hide it.

"I don't mind, darling. What would you like to do today?" She was distracted, carefully tracing her trademark swish of black liner down her right lid.

Silence. And then a chuckle. She set the pen down and turned to look back through the bedroom door to where he was sitting.

"What?" She smiled too, a little puzzled by his outburst.

"I've already done that."

Realising his meaning, she blushed a little, and turned back to the mirror, shaking her head.

"Joseph…" she chided, pretending to be shocked. "Seriously, then, what is the second thing you would like to do today? And you can't say the first…"

He grinned and stood up, moving across the room towards her. As he reached the dressing table he placed his hands on her shoulders and growled softly, "Not fair" into her ear. She shivered in spite of her best efforts to remain composed.

Slipping his arms around her, he kissed her neck and she relaxed against him. Keeping up this sweet distraction, he reached round and took the makeup from her hands, replacing the tube on the table and then took her hands in his own, bringing them to rest on her lap.

"Joseph…" she tilted her head back as he kissed the side of her throat.

"Mmm.." He felt her hands entangling themselves from his, stroking them gently, but pulling away. He fought her a little, bringing his mouth up to caress her jaw line.

"Joseph…darling, if we start now, you know where this will finish." In spite of her firm words, her voice was a little shaky.

He smiled, running a hand up her arm and tracing his finger seductively across her lips. "Well…indeed."

Ever so gently, she bit his finger and he chuckled, releasing her from his grasp. "Ok, ok…point taken." He dropped one final kiss on her head and stood. She looked up at him in the mirror and smiled back, whispering softly, "I'll deal with you later…"

After breakfast, having checked Clarisse for 'borrowed' cutlery, Joe decided they should have a walk around the grounds. Indeed, as he put it, it would be nice to actually see something of the palace other than the bedroom. As nice as the view was from their window. More snow had fallen and, as they walked into the woodland it looked like a fairytale, the trees towering above them, the occasional thud of snow falling to the ground. Joe looped his arm casually around her as they walked, idly stroking her back. She smiled and leant into him, enjoying their relaxed closeness.

They walked for a long time in silence. For years they had walked together, gradually he had moved closer and eventually they had talked. She had grown to love her conversations with Joseph, moments of normality in an otherwise crazy world. And then one day he had taken her hand and they had walked together. She smiled to herself, remembering how she had been startled, had stalled mid-sentence. He had paused too, looking down at her curiously, almost surprised by his own actions. He had raised an eyebrow, and, running his thumb over her hand, turned and looked back ahead at the path. And they continued to walk, just as before, but everything had changed.

"You're very quiet…are you cold?" His voice broke her reverie and she looked up at him, laughing a little at the redness of his cheeks.

"A bit, but you're doing a very good job at keeping me warm. I was just thinking…"

He chuckled, pulling her a little closer, "You think too much, my darling."

"I know…long-standing bad habit, I'm afraid. Do you think there might be a cure?" He stopped walking and slid his arm round her waist, dropping a quick kiss to her lips.

"Well, I'm not sure…maybe I can come up with something. I suppose we could run a series of experiments. We might find something, eventually…"

Lunch came around all too quickly, and soon they were back in their room, relaxing a little and getting ready for the evening 's events. At around five, Clarisse was once again in the bathroom, this time taking a bath, and Joe was skulking round the suite, in search of something to do. He'd exhausted the 213 channels on the television and didn't particularly fancy any of the reading material on the shelves. He had, albeit briefly, considered a foray into Clarisse's copy of Pride and Prejudice, but remembering how he'd almost slipped into a coma last time he had tried to read it, decided not to risk it again.

He was already dressed in his tux and, glancing in the mirror over the fire, smiled at his reflection. He glanced back and straightened his necktie, sighing a little. He would have to get Clarisse to do it for him… his attempts always ended a bit wonky. Still, there was time. Plenty of time… He couldn't believe sometimes how long it took her to get ready for these things. Sure, she _would_ look amazing after three hours preparation but, hey, she always looked amazing anyway.

Opening the glass doors he stepped out onto the balcony and surveyed the garden. It was beautiful, the pathways cleared of snow and lit by flaming torches, the fountains glistening in their warm glow. Clarisse would adore it. He made a mental note to self to make sure that they took a walk out there at some point in the evening. There was a little snow on the balcony and he could feel the satisfying crunch under his feet. Gazing out over the fairytale scene he felt his throat tighten and his eyes grow moist. It was almost too much. Here, with her, finally. He wiped his eyes gruffly, coughing a little to clear his throat. A series of clicks and a thud downstairs made him look down over the edge of the balcony. They were opening the doors of the ballroom, presumably so the guests, when they arrive could wander out into the garden. The doors now open, he could hear the faint strains of the musicians warming up their instruments. Then clearer, a piano started to play…it was something familiar, but he couldn't quite make it out. He listened closer, and a rich, female voice drifted over the piano, out into the garden,

At last, my love had come along…my lonely days are over…and life is like a song…

He smiled, and wrapped his arms around himself, listening carefully to the beautiful voice.

As she stepped out of the bathroom, Clarisse cast a brief glimpse round the room in search of Joseph. For a moment she wondered if he might have decided to play his little disappearing act again. Honestly…that man. Gathering up the skirt of her dress in one hand she wandered through to the bedroom. If she was going to have to do this dress up herself, she would most definitely need to lie down first. It wasn't exactly tight, more awkward…and she doubted very much whether she could contort herself enough to fasten all of the hooks whilst still maintaining her balance.

A sudden draft of cold air made her shiver, and she realised that the balcony door was ajar. She was about to close it when she realised he was out there, staring out over the garden. She paused, her hand still on the frame, watching him. He was smiling, but there were tears in his eyes.

"Darling?" He started a little, and turned to look at her. "Are you ok?"

He smiled and nodded, holding out his hand to her. As she took it, he pulled her in to rest against his chest, squeezing her firmly.

"I'm perfect. More than perfect."

She giggled, uncharacteristically, and pulled back a little to run her finger over his lips.

"Tell me something I don't know…" He smiled too and ran his hands down her arms.

"You look amazing, my darling." She blushed, and he smoothed his hands over the long silk sleeves that tapered to a point at the base of her wrists. "But you're looking a little, well, undone." She smiled, and turned in his arms.

"Would you do the honours?" He ran a finger down her bare back as he gathered the seams of the bodice together.

He bent towards her ear and whispered, gently chastising her,

"Darling, you really shouldn't ask such things of a gentleman, you'll get yourself into all kinds of trouble, you know…"

She smirked, twisting back round and planting a firm kiss on his lips raised an eyebrow.

"I do so very much hope so…"


	7. Drink, anyone?

Having straightened out Joseph's tie, Clarisse declared that she was finally ready, and that they could leave for dinner. Joe glanced at his watch, smiling to himself.

"Only two hours and fourteen minutes, my darling, surely this has to be some kind of world record?"

She cast him a withering look and sat down on the edge of the bed to slip on her shoes, mumbling something under her breath. He smiled again, and bent down to help her, earning himself a playful kick in the chest.

"Hey…you'll mess up my shirt."

She smirked at the thought, and let him buckle the other shoe for her, rather enjoying the sensation of literally be waited on hand…and foot. The job finished, she stood up and, taking his hand, guided him towards the door. Just as they reached it, and she placed her hand on the handle, he tugged her back, spinning her a little.

"What?" She smiled, knowing from experience what would be coming. She couldn't have been more wrong though…well, at least initially.

"You've missed a bit." She looked at him puzzled.

"Missed a bit?" He nodded, tapping his index finger on the exposed décolletage revealed by her dress.

"Wait here a moment…" He dashed back into the bedroom, leaving her rather bemused at the door. Surely he couldn't be bothered by the cut of the dress? It wasn't that daring…she'd definitely worn worse, she thought with a smile. She couldn't quite work out why, but the idea of Joseph trying to protect like a worried mother hen was rather alluring. She hoped that he wouldn't try and make her wear a scarf. Nothing she had with her would suit and, quite frankly it would ruin the neckline of this beautiful dress. Honestly…men.

Triumphantly he returned, without a scarf in sight. With a flourish, he held out both clenched fists in front of her.

"Pick"

Again, she eyed him suspiciously. Looking from one fist to the other, she tapped the one on his left. He smiled, shaking his head and, turning his hand over, unclenching his fingers, he revealed a beautiful, intricate filigree Celtic cross.

She smiled, looking up from the necklace to his face, stroking his cheek.

"Is this for me?" He smiled, touched as ever by her genuine delight at such a small gesture.

"No, it's for Maurice. Of course it's for you, silly. Do you like it?"

She smiled, nodding slightly.

He uncurled the necklace and, taking an end in each hand, looped it gently around her neck. Reaching over her, he fastened the clasp carefully and then stepped back to admire his handiwork.

"Hmm…yes, you'll do."

She pouted mischievously and he couldn't resist kissing her, just a little bit, before he had to share her with other people. Eventually they broke apart and, taking her arm, they stepped out of the room and wandered leisurely in the direction of the dining hall.

Most of the dinner guests had already arrived and, as they reached the door, Clarisse self-consciously slipped out of his hold and straightened her dress one final time. She always hated this moment of the evening, all those eyes for a moment concentrated on her. The richly brocaded guard at the door ushered them in with a flamboyant gesture,

"Her Royal Highness, Queen Clarisse of Genovia, and Sir Joseph."

Everyone turned and looked at them. Clarisse forced a smile, her glance sweeping the room. Joe, sensing her unease, clasped her hand in his and led the way. She turned a little towards him and their eyes met. He raised an eyebrow playfully and, remembering her earlier comment in the hallway, whispered discreetly,

"Darling, remember, you are richer than all of them put together…"

She almost laughed out loud, but gripping his hand tighter, managed to resist the urge. Instead, her eyes just twinkled, and no-one was any the wiser.

Thankfully, they had been seated together, Clarisse was next to Annalisa (which left Joe fearing rather for the cutlery!) and he found himself alongside an Italian baron, who, in all honesty, he doubted, was there for any other reason than the free food. He was a portly gentleman, with ruddy cheeks and a well-oiled moustache. As the starter was served, and Clarisse giggled away with Annalisa about something he most probably didn't want to know about, he decided to attempt a conversation,

"So, are you a close friend of the Kind and Queen?" He grimaced at the crassness of his remark. But he needn't have been so concerned. Between large mouthfuls of soup, the baron attempted a reply,

"Eh, ma non parlo inglese, quindi….eh..." he gestured wildly with the spoon, sending a splash of the soup across the centre of the table, 'ma Lei non e' spagnolo?"

Joe smiled politely, and, shrugged, "si, di nascita', ma, vivo in Genovia da quasi vent'anni…mi sento quasi genoviano ormai"

The Italian merely grunted and returned to his soup. Joe felt a hand slide down his upper thigh and come to rest on his knee. Thankfully it was on the wrong side to be the Italian. Setting down his spoon carefully, he slipped his own hand under the table and placed it on top of the mischievous one. Calmly he turned to Clarisse and raised an eyebrow.

"Italian too?" He smiled modestly and shrugged his shoulders again. She clasped his hand under the table, entwining her fingers in his. Leaning imperceptibly closer she lowered her voice,

"You really are a man of hidden talents, aren't you?"

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOo

The soup bowls removed, the waiters began to circulate with the wine. Always one to speak directly with those serving her, Clarisse smiled at the young man and asked politely for a glass of the white. Annalisa laughed loudly at something her husband said and for a moment Clarisse was distracted. Smoothly, Joe tapped the youth on the shoulder and whispered, firmly,

"She'll have the red." The boy looked puzzled, and for a second looked back at Clarisse, who was now talking animatedly.

"Believe me, she wants the red…she always gets them confused. I have my suspicions she may very well be colour-blind. " The boy smiled and nodding at the older man, poured Clarisse a large glass of the red. Having poured Joe a glass of his own, and, as requested, leaving the bottle next to him, he retreated. Joe bit his lip to conceal his amusement. And she thought the games were over…

Turning back to her husband, Clarisse noticed with mild irritation that the boy had served her the wrong wine. She sighed and began to look around for the nearest waiter. She spotted one on the other side of the table and began to discreetly raise her arm to catch his attention. To her surprise, it was caught in the firm grip of Joseph's warm hand.

"Darling?" He smiled, and she tried again. "I was just going…"

"I know what you were _going_ to do" Again, that cheeky smile.

"I don't understand. I asked for white wine, and I mustn't have made it clear…I was just going to…"

"I know." He kissed her gloved hand, and set it back down on the table.

"I know you asked for white, but I told him what you really meant was red."

"You did what?" She wasn't so much angry, as confused.

"I told him what you really wanted was red."

"But Joseph," she blushed slightly and lowered her voice, "you know what happens when I drink red wine."

Again, he smiled, and this time it was his hand that slipped under the table to caress her thigh, "I know, my darling…"

Her eyes widened, but she managed to maintain her composure. She swallowed involuntarily and shifted a little in her seat.

"Joseph, my darling…" her voice was now nothing more than a whisper, "what are you playing at?"

He chuckled, still stroking the silk idly with his agile fingers, "This, my darling, would be the lets-see-how-relaxed-Clarisse-can-be-game…"

"I see…" She gulped again, and slumped back a little in her seat. "I'm not going to win this one, am I?"

He lifted his hand from under the table and tapped his index finger softly against her nose. "Not a chance, my dear…"

OooooOoOOOOOOooOoo

Three glasses of red later, she was starting to feel restless. The dessert course had just been cleared and the guests were mingling freely with their cups of coffee. Annalisa was speaking to the pianist, probably requesting something specific. Clarisse smoothed down her dress sleeves, her gaze lingering on her beautiful engagement ring. After folding her napkin into an elaborate swan, she turned to Joseph who was watching her with amusement.

"Something wrong, my love?" God, he looked smug.

"Nothing…I'm just a little bored." He reached up to push a stray strand of hair back into place.

"Bored? Oh dear…that simply won't do…." He tutted, his finger lingering just a second on her cheek, and then swooping down to her neck.

At that moment, the pianist began his set, his fingers drifting effortless over the ivories. Jazz… Soft, low and ever so sexy. Clarisse sighed in approval. She adored jazz, especially the old standards. The opening bars of Misty floated across the room, and then the sultry tones of a female voice began…

Look at me, I'm as helpless as a kitten up a tree… 

Joe smiled at her distraction. She was enjoying this even more than him. As she listened her eyes slid shut and he took the opportunity to press a gentle kiss to her temple. She smiled, turning into him a little, as he draped an arm loosely around her shoulders. Her eyes still shut, she nuzzled against him,

"Dance with me, Joseph?"

A/N

The Italian translates as: 'Eh, but I don't speak English…aren't you Spanish?" and "Yes, by birth, but having lived in Genovia for almost twenty years, I feel pretty much Genovian."


	8. How To Catch A Queen

He smiled and ran his index finger down her back, making her shiver.

"Are you sure I couldn't tempt you with another drink first…?" His finger lingered on her shoulder blade, tracing its curve seductively, his eyes twinkling. She laughed throatily, and brought her face close to his,

"No, my darling…I think I may have already reached the necessary quantity."

He laughed with her, and noted with pleasure how her hand was snaking round his neck. He raised an eyebrow, and she simply licked her lips. Oh God, she just licked her lips. He swallowed, casting a cautious glance around them,

"Not getting scared now, are we mister?"

He shook his head firmly, and untangled himself from her grasp, standing up slowly. Taking his proffered hand, she too was soon vertical, unconcerned it seemed, by the fact she was slightly swaying. A firm arm pulled her to rest against his chest, and she wrapped her arms around his neck. With one hand she stroked his cheek, loosing herself momentarily in his eyes. She took a deep breath, and, as his hand gently removed hers from his cheek and clasped it tightly, straightened her posture,

"Lead the way…"

The ballroom wasn't exactly deserted, but Clarisse and Joe could've have been dancing round the North Pole for all they knew. Pressed tightly against his body, his hand caressing her bare back, and her head resting on his shoulder, they were in a world of their own. Neither of them were aware of the dozens of pairs of eyes fixed on them, wistfully observing their intimacy and apparent ease with the situation. Now and then he would dip his head to whisper something in her ear, or drop a kiss to her forehead. She would laugh loudly, and snuggle back into him, never missing a step. The music was slow, and for most a stilted shuffle would have more than done the trick. For this couple, though, the steps came naturally…the expertise that came from what seemed like an eternity of dancing round each other, then dancing with each other. The dance was entirely their own, and they both knew the steps intimately. The music kept changing, but still they danced, shifting with it, through its various moods.

At the edge of the ballroom Queen Annalisa sat watching them, a glass of the finest Merlot in hand, and a smile playing on her lips. She felt a hand come to rest on her shoulder.

"It's amazing isn't it…she's so different."

She smiled, her lip curling into a smirk, "I know darling…_and_ she's drunk!"

He pushed her gently, laughing with her. "Lisa, how can you be so…" He sat down and taking the glass from her hand, kissed her tenderly on the forehead.

"So what?" She smiled again, grabbing her husband's lapels playfully and pulling him in for a proper kiss. When they broke apart, she raised an eyebrow. He merely shook his head and smiled in defeat, "Never mind…"

As the band came to the end of 'Cheek to Cheek', Joe decided that perhaps it was time for the next part of his plan. She was beginning to get tired and, as pleasant as the feeling of Clarisse resting against his body was, he really did want to make it to the end of the evening with her still standing…well, at least until it was preferable that she lay down, he thought with a smirk.

"Darling?"

"Hmmm…" Her voice was heavy and her eyelids beginning to droop. She smiled goofily and tapped him on the nose. "I'm having the most wonderful evening, you know, dear…"

He smiled, and kissed her gently on the forehead. "I know, Princess, but there's something I want to show you before you go all Sleeping Beauty on me." Pulling his arm around her tightly, he guided her towards the open doors. For a moment she hesitated, pulling him back a little, so that he stood facing her. Carefully, she took his chin between her thumb and forefingers, eyeing him intently,

"I'm not drunk, you know…"

He smiled, nodding gently, "I know my darling."

"And I don't want to think that you can trick me just because I'm tired."

He tried not to smirk, and biting his lip replied as sincerely as possible, "Yes, my love, I can assure that I don't think that you are anymore trickable than at any other time."

'And I'm not a princess, I'm a Queen."

Again he nodded, his lips quivering.

She smiled, kissing him chastely on the lips,

"I'm glad we have that clear. Lead the way…"

Pushing open the glass doors, he guided her into the snow-covered garden. Just as he had hoped, by leaving it so late all of the other guests seemed to have either departed, or retreated inside out of the cold. He slipped off his jacket and draped it carefully over her bare shoulders.

"Thank you…Joseph, what…what is this, it's all so magical?"

He smiled, pleased at the wonder in her eyes, and wrapped an arm round her.

"This, my love, is your last surprise."

"The last one?" She pouted a little, and he chuckled, shaking his head a little.

"OK, the last one for tonight…" She smiled, and snuggled in closer.

Leading her along the snowy pathways, the trees high on either side, and the torches burning fiercely in the cold air, Joe was struck by how much it all resembled a labyrinth. In spite of her drowsiness, the same thought also occurred to Clarisse. Time for another plan, she sniggered to herself. He felt her shudder against him, and he stopped.

"Are you cold, darling?" She smiled, and wrapped both her arms around him, kissing his neck.

"Not at all. In fact, I am feeling rather warm." With that she stepped out of his embrace and slipped off the jacket draping it casually over his shoulder. He looked surprised, but said nothing, tracing his finger down her jaw line. There was a fire in her eyes now…and the wine, he thought with a wry smile, had only served to light the touch paper.

"Not feeling sleepy, my love?" He eyed her suspiciously, teasing her lips with his finger.

"Not any more." She turned her head away, and twisted slightly, her hands playing with the folds of her skirt. Could she? She giggled again…of course she could!

She stepped back a little, and, gathering her skirt with both hands and, with a spin that would put a dervish to shame, darted off down the pathway.

Raising a hand to his brow, Joe shook his head in bemusement. Oh God what had he unleashed? His knees were so going to regret this in the morning…


	9. Iceskating for Beginners

At first, he dashed off after her, caught up in her playfulness. Then, as his security guard training kicked in, he slowed his pace and began to track her footprints in the snow. He could still hear her, padding lightly across the pathway, somewhere to his right, but, short of ripping his way through the tall hedges so beautifully cultivated to form the passageways, he would have to take the long route.

He thought back to when he was on the balcony, and tried to sketch out the rough plan of the maze. He remembered that all the pathways eventually led to a fountain in the centre. Casting a glance down to the tracks in the snow, he wondered how long it would take her to realise she had been going round in circles. Hopefully she wouldn't be too tired, he thought, shaking his head. Diverging from her route, he turned left and quickly arrived at the centre of the maze. It was entirely silent now…not even the music from the ballroom could be heard. He sighed deeply, and slipped his jacket back on. Running a hand over the frozen fountain, he gazed at the delicate icicles which seemed to spout from the hand of the central figure. For a moment he wished the moment could last forever…this silence, the flaming light from the torches flickering over the frozen sculpture, the crisp air clearing his mind.

He was broken from his daydream by the sound of quick footsteps pattering over the snow. He smiled. Clarisse.

"Hey! I thought you were supposed to be chasing me?"

She had appeared on the other side of the fountain, her face glowing, and her eyes bright. She brushed a stray strand of her from her face and attempted to pout.

"And when did we make that rule, my darling?"

He pulled his hands out of his jacket pockets, and rubbed them together, hesitating for a moment. He looked up at her again, and was met by a raised eyebrow. Flexing his knee discreetly, he faked a yawn. She turned away a little, straightening her dress, brushing out the creases. And he was off…

They must have circled the fountain a good three times, the air broken by Clarisse's excited shrieks, and his throaty laughter as he eased closer. She was in pretty good shape…but, hey, he thought with a grin, this is my job, she doesn't stand a chance in hell!

Eventually within arm's reach, he planted a hand firmly on her right shoulder. Unfortunately, the ground was particularly icy and she felt her feet begin to slide. With mild alarm, Joe realised that he was going too fast to easily stop. She fell first, his arm twisting her round. For a split second she was facing him, and felt his other arm swing round to wrap her to him. Just before she hit the ground, she felt him pull her tightly into his chest. She grimaced, already feeling how the icy earth would embrace her, hoping no real damage would be done. But, as they came to a heavy halt, she realised that this earth was neither icy nor hard. It was warm, safe, and it smelt very much like Joseph.

His arms relaxed their grip a little, and she sat up. His eyes were closed and he looked as if he was asleep. For a moment, the breath caught in her throat, and she ran a cautious hand over his forehead, tracing her index finger over his eyebrow.

"Darling?"

Still not opening his eyes, he smiled, and she eased her hand under his neck, lifting him slightly. She pressed a kiss to his cheek and his eyes flicked open, tilting his head a little to kiss her back. She smiled as she felt his arms loop around her, pulling her down to lie on him.

"Are you okay? I didn't crush you?" Her voiced was still concerned, and she reached a hand down to rub his knee.

"No, my darling, I'm fine…you can fall on me whenever you want."

"Really?" she smirked, in spite of herself.

"Within reason…" he replied gingerly.

Silence. Gazing up into his eyes she traced her finger down the side of his cheek. Then she hiccupped. He smiled, and shook his head in mock-disapproval. She started to giggle,

"We fell down…" He smiled again and decided to attempt getting up: as much as he loved cradling her in this way, a frost-bitten backside would be no fun in the morning. Easing himself to his feet, cautiously putting his weight on the bad knee, he reached out to pull her up too. She stumbled a little, and giggled again.

"Honestly, I can't take you anywhere, can I?" He tutted, pretending to be mildly irritated. For a second she wondered if he might be serious, and tried to stifle her amusement, but then the firm arm that slipped around her waist, and the warm face that nuzzled against her hair reassured her that he wasn't cross. After all, he _had_ made her drink the red…

"I'm so sleepy Joseph, darling…I'm not sure I want to walk all the way back to our room…maybe we could sleep in the ballroom?"

He smiled, amused by the spectacle of an ever-so-slightly-incoherent Clarisse. He gripped her tighter and slowly began escorting her back towards the palace.

"I don't think that would be a good idea you know…awfully drafty in there. And not to mention what the cleaners might think when they found the former Queen of Genovia snuggled up underneath the piano tomorrow morning."

She sighed, resting her head on his shoulder.

"I suppose, though I still think you're being boring…"

He stopped and, wrapping his other arm around her, kissed her tenderly on the lips. Her hands came up to rest about his neck as she deepened the kiss. He felt her open her mouth slightly, and he smiled against her, caressing her with his lips. Sliding her hands smoothly down his chest and under his jacket, to wrap around his waist, she pressed herself impossibly closer. For a moment, he broke away, pulling back to look at her, running his thumb along her swollen lower lip.

"I love you so much, my darling." He didn't need to say more, and her eyes filled with tears.

She slipped her hand behind his head again, and pulled him in for another kiss, showing rather than telling him what she felt. As the tears slipped down her cheeks, he kissed them away,

"So much…but, my love, I'm afraid you are wrong…"

"I don't understand?"

"Sir Joseph, consort of Queen Clarisse is _never_, I repeat _never_, boring…"

With that, he reached down and slipped his hand under her knees, the other firmly around her back, and swung her up into his arms. She shrieked a little, and he laughed. But she didn't struggle. Indeed, she snuggled into the crook of his neck and began kissing his jaw line, pausing only an instant to issue her command,

"To the bedchamber, my prince…"

A/N Hmm..sorry this took a while. Ended up rather shorter than I anticipated, but the next chapter (which will probably be the last) will be much longer. Hope you like – please let me know what you think, it really _does_ make a difference.


	10. Hangovers

Thinking back, as he lay watching her sleep in the morning light, Joe wondered how he'd managed to get her all the way back to the room without further incident. Miraculously, the guards had all seemed to have vanished, and he had ended up carrying her all the way. He glanced over at the clock and wondered how long it would be before she woke. She moaned a little in her sleep, screwing up her eyes rather like a mole, and he smiled. She was going to have one hell of a headache. His knee was seriously objecting to their late-night excursion round the garden and even later activities once he'd finally got her into bed. Not that it hadn't been worth it, he thought, a smile curling his lips. Careful not to wake her, he ran a finger down her cheek, raising an eyebrow in amusement as she smiled in her sleep. He lay back down on the pillow, turning onto his side so he could watch her, and sighed contentedly. This was the life…

They were scheduled to leave after lunch and, after the short drive to the airport, to fly back, arriving in Genovia in time for a late dinner. He tried not to think always in terms of mealtimes, but hey, he was a man. And anyway, given Clarisse's erratic habits it paid to have one of them to remind her to eat! Speaking of which… His stomach growled loudly and wondered whether he might be able to sneak out and get some food before she woke up. He hoped she wouldn't be in too foul a mood this morning. Clarisse with a headache was never pleasant, and this one, he mused with a shade of guilt, would be at least partly his fault. Maybe hiding out in the kitchen for a while might be the best plan?

Gently lifting her arm from his waist and turning her to lie back on the pillow, he eased himself out of bed. She stirred a little, and then turned back to snuggle on her side, tugging the blanket up over her shoulders to compensate for the sudden lack of warmth next to her. He smiled…she really was too adorable when she slept…

Slipping on a robe, he wandered into the large sitting-room area to find the telephone. Pushing the door to, so as not to disturb her, he picked up the handset. Immediately he heard a click and a secretary answered in what he presumed to be Norwegian. Her English, though, was impeccable, as he quickly discovered and he soon found himself connected to the Queen's private line.

"Good morning, Joseph, and how are you this fine day?" Her voice was light and almost innocent, but he could feel the cheeky grin that was clearly plastered across her face and the heavy sarcasm dripping down the phone line.

"Wonderful, thank you. It was a most enjoyable evening."

"Clarisse up yet?"

"Not quite…" there was a throaty chuckle on the other end, and he shook his head. "In fact, that was why I was calling. I imagine you have already taken breakfast?"

"Yes, I'm afraid we have Joe…can I call you Joe?"

"Of course."

"Joey?"

"Never twice."

She sniggered and he smiled in spite of himself.

"Maybe I can get a tray sent up to you?"

"That would be perfect…nothing fancy, just some toast would be fine. Oh, and make sure there's a large quantity of tea. I think we might be needing it…"

She laughed again, and bidding him a pleasant morning, hung up.

Meanwhile, Clarisse was beginning to stir. By the time he wandered back into the room, tray balanced carefully on one hand, gently closing the door with the other, she was fully awake. Her eyes, however, were still tightly shut. She stretched her back a little and, folding her arms on the pillow, lay flat on her front. Setting the tray down, Joe glanced at her again, wondering if perhaps he should risk waking her.

Turning back in the direction of the door, he slipped off his robe, blissfully unaware of the eye that was watching him mischievously from the bed. It flicked shut, and a giggle was successfully stifled as he slowly got back under the sheets and, lifting himself onto an elbow, leant down over her.

She felt a warm hand come to rest on her shoulder…

"Darling?"

She groaned a little and buried her face deeper into her arms. Time to teach him a lesson…

"Clarisse?" He stroked her shoulder, his hand running up to the back of her head, lightly smoothing down her tousled hair.

"No…"

He smiled, shifting down to lie next to her, his head resting on the pillow.

"No?"

"You heard. I think I'm dead…so leave me alone…"

Uh-oh, she was in foul mood with him. He decided not to push it and tenderly stroked her arm.

"Would you like a drink, my dear?"

Her eyes flashed open and fixed him with a stare that would have stopped traffic dead,

"Don't you think you made me drink enough last night!"

He cringed at her misunderstanding. This was not going well.

"I meant tea…would you?"

"No."

He sighed, as she turned back to lie face down in the pillow.

Little did he realise that she was desperately trying to stifle a giggle.

Leaning over her, he reached for the pack of aspirin that had been thoughtfully placed on the tray and, with a couple of clicks, had emptied two tablets into the glass of water.

She heard the little plinks and the fizz and smiled into the pillow. He really was too considerate. Cautiously, he leant over her, swirling the glass to make it dissolve quicker. He tried again,

"Darling…um, maybe you could try just a little bit of this medicine…I'm sure it'll make you feel better."

She groaned and buried her face deeper into the cotton pillow,

"I don't want it. I don't like that kind of medicine."

He shook his head. Really…this was getting stupid now. She couldn't still be drunk, could she? No….she'd been pretty much sober by the time they'd got back to the room. And she hadn't even had that much, not really. The funny thing about the red wine wasn't that it got her drunk quicker, but that it made her…he smiled to himself remembering how she'd almost jumped him in the corridor... no, this little hellcat definitely wasn't still drunk.

Trying desperately hard to retain his composure he tried again, leaning back over to set the glass down on her bedside table,

"So what kind of medicine _would_ meet her Majesty's requirements?"

Knowing full well she wasn't going to get another line as good as that, Clarisse decided that maybe this little game had just about run its course. Very slowly, she turned over, and, placing her palms on his chest, guided him back down to the bed. His confusion was hilarious, but she managed to keep a straight face. Coming to rest against his warm chest, she ran a well-manicured finger seductively down his cheek. He gulped, and she smiled, raising an eyebrow,

"You're not sick at all, are you?"

She smiled, and, closing her eyes, gently shook her head.

"Good. I don't like you grumpy."

Her eyes flicked back open and she opened her mouth to begin her defence…but, wrapping two strong arms about her and pulling her down to join him, Joe soon put a stop to that.

A/N – OK, this isn't the last one…woohoo! There will be one more chapter about how they get home. Sorry this one's taken a while to get up – the next won't take nearly so long ;o) Please review – thanks!


	11. All good things must come to an end?

They finally emerged from their suite just before lunch. Having 'slept' in until 11, they had spent the rest of the morning getting up and organising their belongings. Clarisse hated other people packing for her and generally insisted on doing it herself. Joe didn't quite understand it, the novelty of having someone else to do it for him still rather new, and so had just sat back and watched as she carefully folded her scarves into neat squares.

But eventually she was done, and at 12.30 they wandered down to the dining hall together. It had snowed since the previous night, and the footsteps which had criss-crossed the pathways the night before, were now vanished under a new covering of flakes.

Annalisa was already seated, waiting patiently, as always, for Sebastian to prise himself from his books, and she smiled warmly at the new arrivals.

"Clarisse, my darling…how are you feeling?" She raised an eyebrow, the tease in her voice unmistakable.

Joe wondered for a moment if she would be angry at the insinuation…but then again, he was just about beginning to fathom the depth of the friendship his wife had with this remarkable woman.

Clarisse snorted…God, she actually snorted…and simply shaking her head, and glaring at Annalisa, she sat down at the table, "Oh, just sod off!"

Annalisa laughed, and soon they were both in fits of giggles. Joe couldn't help but join in and, when Sebastian joined them, a minute or so later, they had only just recomposed themselves.

He raised an eyebrow at his wife and uttered his habitual, "I simply won't ask…", before seating himself at the head of the table.

The meal passed pleasantly, and as coffee was served, Annalisa declared that she and Clarisse simply must take a final turn around the gardens together.

"I mean", she continued, shooting Joe a cheeky glance, "I've hardly seen you at all, my dear!"

Clarisse nodded her approval, and, smiling at Joseph, asked if he would mind amusing himself for an hour or so. Before he could answer though, Sebastian jumped in,

"Of course he won't…you can show me that lovely new car of yours, can't you, old man?"

Joe nodded, pleased to be reminded of his newest acquisition.

OoOoOoOoOo

Running his hand admiringly down the sleek black curve of the bonnet, Sebastian sighed.

"She really is quite superb, Joseph, you're a very lucky man…"

Joe smiled, and, folding his arms in front of him, stood back to admire, once again, his new toy. Sebastian could hardly draw his eyes from the bodywork, but did manage to prise himself away to glance discreetly across at the man standing next to him. He must be quite a man. A lucky man, but, nevertheless, he must have something remarkable about him for Clarisse to have fallen so completely. He wondered when and, indeed, how it was that they had met. Of course, he was far too polite to ask such a potentially incendiary question, but that didn't stop him wondering. The way they behaved together, their ease and synchronicity. It must have been some time. Which, of course, was a conclusive reason why he shouldn't ask.

Turning back to the car, he sighed again.

"So sleek, and beautifully designed."

Again, Joe smiled in spite of himself.

"Indeed. I really couldn't ask for any more."

They were standing on the gravelled driveway that swung down the side of the palace and overlooked the formal gardens. In the distance, Clarisse was walking with Annalisa, their arms looped together, their heads inclined towards each other, most probably conspiring about something or other. He smiled, and, distracted not for the first time that morning, by his beautiful wife, he gazed out across the gardens.

Sebastian was still transfixed by the car…

"She's so elegant…I bet she's a dream to handle"

"Mmm…"

"And the way the back curves so delicately…just makes you want to reach out and touch it, doesn't it?"

"Hmm…"

Sebastian looked up, and noticed Joe's contented smile, and, following his gaze, noticed the two women who were clearly the focus of his attention. He smiled, and, licking his lips mischievously decided to have a little fun.

"You know, Joe, I've been wanting to get my hands on her for quite a while…but, you know, Annalisa doesn't approve."

Joe's head snapped round, and he was surprised to see Sebastian staring back at him.

"Yes, she really must be quite a goer, Joe…sounds like great fun, you really must let me have a ride some time."

Smiling at the poor man's confusion, and obvious unease, Sebastian was pleased to feel the white hot flash of jealousy staring back at him.

Joe wasn't sure how to respond…suddenly aware that the conversation had shifted. His eyes flared and his stomach tightened at the insinuation.

Sebastian smiled again and, wandering casually over to pat him playfully on the back, thought to himself how much he approved of Clarisse's choice. Good chap this one. Interesting. And clearly fiercely loyal.

"Come on, Joe, old chap, the CAR, the car….honestly, I'm only pulling your leg."

Joe smiled, suddenly embarrassed at his false assumptions, and tossed the keys in the other man's direction.

"Go on then…but I'll be watching all the time, I warn you!"

OoOoOoOoOoO

At three, the car was ready to drive them to the airport. Joe had decided not to ask what Clarisse and Annalisa had spent the afternoon discussing…sometimes, he was beginning to suspect, it was just better not to know…and so settled simply on thinking about his new car as they began the long drive. Clarisse was curled up against him, her head resting lightly on his outstretched arm. Hardly the safest position, but, for once, he decided not to object.

For a good ten minutes, they travelled in silence. He loved this about her. They could sit for hours like this, each comfortable in their own thoughts, not feeling at all awkward. Just touching.

Just as his eyelids were beginning to droop though, he felt a hand snake up to his neck, and a soft kiss dropped on his cheek.

"Cheer up, darling…it'll be there by next week."

He smiled, pulling her a little closer. So she had known.

"I'm fine. It was just more fun when it was the two of us…"

She raised an eyebrow and shot him a cheeky smile.

"Indeed. But just think of the trips we can make when your car arrives back home."

He couldn't help but smile at that, and, shifting a little so she could lie against him, she snuggled into his neck.

"So, my darling, did you have a nice chat with Annalisa?"

She kissed the side of his neck and he groaned softly.

"Mmm…we were talking about you, actually"

He raised an eyebrow, relaxing against her as she worked her way gradually up his neck to his jaw.

"Really…must have been a terribly dull conversation."

She kissed his smiling lips and, nestling closer, dropped a kiss to his nose.

"Wouldn't you just like to know…"

"You can't leave me hanging like that, Clarisse, that's cruel…"

She faked disapproval and tutted softly.

"Oh dear…cruel? Hmm…can't have that, now, can we?"

She shifted a little more until she was practically sitting in his lap and, wrapping her arms around his neck, moved in to kiss him thoroughly.

Breaking apart, still amazed by how this woman could actually take his breath away, he whispered softly in her ear,

"That's not what I meant, my love, and you know it."

She smiled, running her finger over his lower lip teasingly. Dipping her head, she gently blew into his ear, smiling as he shivered.

"Ok…let's just say she approves."

"She approves?"

He raised an eyebrow, and opened his mouth to continue, but then changed his mind and Clarisse chuckled as a wide grin spread across his face.

"Yes. She likes you."

His eyes twinkled, and he ran a hand casually through her hair, his heart jumping a little as she closed her eyes at the sensation.

"And what do you think, my dear? Did you make the right choice?"

She opened her eyes and scrutinised him closely, taking his chin in her fingers and inspecting him from either side.

"You'll do."

OoOoOoOoOoO

By the time they arrived back at the palace it was just after nine, and darkness had already fallen. Mia and Nicholas were out attending a charity dinner and were not expected back until very late, and so Clarisse and Joe ate dinner in their suite. They were both tired and, although very much glad to be home, a little sad that their vacation from duty was over.

Later, Joe was sitting in his favourite position, on the long leather couch in front of the fire, with a fine glass of scotch on one knee, and Clarisse's head resting on the other. She was dozing a little, and, even though he could feel his knee stiffening by the minute, he decided he'd let her sleep a bit longer before he moved.

He was thinking. This weekend had been perfect…in so many ways. Tomorrow they would both have to resume their duties and behave like adults. Well…not that they had a problem with behaving like adults, he thought with a smirk, but there would be no missing breakfast, lunch and dinner, simply because the mood took. Yes, they would have their privacy, but it would be slimmed down to their late evenings together and their early morning conversations. He sighed, knowing the situation would always be that way.

But would it? Perhaps he was approaching this from the wrong angle altogether? All they needed was a plan, a little bit of organisation. And, he allowed himself a small smile of pride at this, there really was no better planner than Joe.

OoOoOoOoOo

When she woke the next morning Clarisse was surprised to find herself alone. She loved waking up to find herself still wrapped in his arms from the night before, and she now missed his closeness. Turning over to bury herself in his pillow, she was surprised to find an envelope crunching against her face. Fishing it out of the sheets, and propping herself up on one elbow, she began to read, a huge smile spreading across her lips…

"My Darling,

Norway was just a test-drive. I do hope you're not busy next weekend…I've taken the liberty of booking us a trip to Florence. Essential that I meet the Genovian ambassador there and the new PM, don't you agree? And I'll need to practice driving. Wouldn't want the old girl to get rusty now, would we?

J.x

P.S. By my calculations the shower is most definitely big enough for two. I do hope you've woken up and read this before I've turned into a prune."

THE END…for now.


End file.
